it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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