I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
