I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
