You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
