i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
