Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
