dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
