We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
