nutella sex= disaster
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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