I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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