the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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