I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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