we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
