I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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