Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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