i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
