Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize