just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
