nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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