I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
