just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
