So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
