Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
