Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
