if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Acid is not a monday night drug
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
