if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
