btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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