OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
