I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize