so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
