Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
