My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
OPIZZABONMYDICK
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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