Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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