Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
