you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize