Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
