Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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