I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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