i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
where are my pants?
in the oven.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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