she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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