walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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