yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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