If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
