i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
