I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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