Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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