So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
