Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
false alarm. still invincible.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
