Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize