hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
