wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
