You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
