I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
