Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
