I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
