It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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