My sheets look like a crime scene.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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