Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just found puke in my bra..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
