So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
