you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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