So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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