Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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