I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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