all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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