Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
